At Home with Icke and Jones

"Did you use my jam?" David asks, looking down at the buttery crater deep within his jar. "No, not me." Alex says, unaware of the sticky red smear running from the corner of his mouth to his cheek. "Must have been the Illuminati." David rolls his eyes and reaches for the fridge instead. "Did you … Continue reading At Home with Icke and Jones →

Three Word Slogans

Braverman had been working hard on her sign overnight. She'd coloured it in and everything. Rishi regarded it proudly. "No more boats." He patted her on the back. "Simply. Neat. Effective. Gets straight to the heart of the message. Love it." "You sure?" She asked. "Of course. What's not to love? We'll hang it up … Continue reading Three Word Slogans →

Planning the Coronation

"How's this?" Charles asks from the dining table hunched over a notebook. "Marquee and BBQ?" "Yeah." Andrew replies, sprawled across the sofa, but angled in such a position so that no one can see his laptop screen. "What wrong with it? You don't sound convinced." "Honestly, it's fine." "I was going for something different. A … Continue reading Planning the Coronation →

Corruption, Corporate Greed and Orange Juice with Pulp Triggering the Collapse of Society: A Theory

“It’s got a lot to answer for.” He said, apropos of nothing. I was in the Supermarket, reaching for some orange juice, when the gentlemen next to me declared this. My first impression was that I was being brought into a domestic dispute between this man and his personified orange beverage. And in those kind … Continue reading Corruption, Corporate Greed and Orange Juice with Pulp Triggering the Collapse of Society: A Theory →

Demand More From Your Declarations of Affection

‘Happy anniversary, baby. I love you to the moon and back.’ an acquaintance posted on Facebook. ‘Thank you, baby. Love you too.’ Was the reply, alongside a litany of other equally tepid and tiresome responses from others unable to let five minutes go by without forcing themselves into someone else’s life. But, of the responses, … Continue reading Demand More From Your Declarations of Affection →

The Most [Information has been redacted] Day of Your Life

With the pandemic came a tsunami of conspiracy theories, influencing even the most steadfast of individuals. Unfortunately, today, that included Brian. ‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today.’ Brian began, smiling at the doe-eyed couple in front of him. ‘Brought together by love. The love of Gareth and Jenny.’ Friends and family had gathered. Laughter … Continue reading The Most [Information has been redacted] Day of Your Life →

The Alien Intervention

As the beam took hold of him, Henry knew what to expect. Growing up in the 90s, he’d watched the X-Files and Fire in the Sky. Strapped to a table, some creature with huge black eyes and long, gangly limbs would drill into his teeth and insert tracking chips into his sinuses. But an anal … Continue reading The Alien Intervention →

You Can Choose Your Friends, But You Can’t Choose Your Post-Apocalyptic Overlord

Of all the aspects of life after the apocalypse, it’s the lack of social etiquette which irks George the most. “The neighbours are at it again.” He says from his position, peering between the boarded windows of their ramshackle dwelling. Said in a tone so deliberate as to be the conversational equivalent of a worm … Continue reading You Can Choose Your Friends, But You Can’t Choose Your Post-Apocalyptic Overlord →

From the Basement of the Intergalactic Council, Trouble Stirs

An opportunity for early retirement is how it was presented. Reward for a millennium of work at the forefront of the Intergalactic Council. Gobkoo knew what it was. The new President, all swagger and pearly white teeth, had brought substantial change. He was being shuffled aside. Coming from a race of immortal beings, any retirement … Continue reading From the Basement of the Intergalactic Council, Trouble Stirs →

Pudding Trial

Dan‘s preoccupied with thoughts of pudding. “Brownie,” was the word that slipped unwanted from his mouth causing a ripple of laughter to pass across the room. “I beg your pardon,” said the Judge. Whilst his recurring dream of giving a presentation to some very important people, only to discover that he has nothing on, and … Continue reading Pudding Trial →