Screaming into the Void: The Pointlessness of the Employee Opinion Survey

All companies claim its most valuable assets are its staff, and their feedback is essential. Happy employees are productive employees. And a productive employee makes for a happy company. Therefore, any company survey is treated with great fanfare. Like a new testament - if the Messiah had a People and Productivity department. A survey is … Continue reading Screaming into the Void: The Pointlessness of the Employee Opinion Survey →

Piping Hot Revenge

They say revenge is a dish best served cold. Nonsense.

Icke and Jones in the Great Tennis Conspiracy

"Out." The Umpire calls. "What? You're joking." Icke says, then turning to Jones. "You see what happens when you get too close to the truth - they try to silence you. Another victim of the Leftist woke agenda." "You missed the playing surface, David." The Umpire interjects. "Do we have to go through this every … Continue reading Icke and Jones in the Great Tennis Conspiracy →

To CEOs Who Still Believe Work is Discussed at the Water Cooler

Asking people to come back into the office is your perogative, but the reasoning is horse shit.

The Midlife Crisis

The day the Pope got hair plugs it shocked everyone.

Icke and Jones in the Great Door Knock Conspiracy

After searching the whole house, David finally finds Alex in the cupboard, shaking. "There was a knock at the door," Alex stutters, his terrified head poking through the shirts. "But when I answered it noone was there." "Was it not the Amazon guy?" David asks. "Thats what I thought. But we've not ordered anything." "Interesting." … Continue reading Icke and Jones in the Great Door Knock Conspiracy →

The Fast and the Furious Coronation

"You've been watching the Fast and the Furious again, haven't you?" Charles' hesitation was all the confirmation Camilla needed. "Whatever you're thinking, it's a no." "Oh, come on. I just think it'd be better if it's a car chase, not a procession." "No." "Just imagine it. A car hurtles down the Mall, pulls a hand … Continue reading The Fast and the Furious Coronation →

Jacob Rees-Mog Wants You Back In the Office

Jacob Rees-Mog is ending hybrid working and getting his staff back into the office, as noone is around for his lunchtime games of hide-and-seek. He'd tried it over Teams, but the WiFi doesn't extend as far as the cupboard. So he'd end up under his desk everytime - Plus people find you as soon as … Continue reading Jacob Rees-Mog Wants You Back In the Office →

Corruption, Corporate Greed and Orange Juice with Pulp Triggering the Collapse of Society: A Theory

“It’s got a lot to answer for.” He said, apropos of nothing. I was in the Supermarket, reaching for some orange juice, when the gentlemen next to me declared this. My first impression was that I was being brought into a domestic dispute between this man and his personified orange beverage. And in those kind … Continue reading Corruption, Corporate Greed and Orange Juice with Pulp Triggering the Collapse of Society: A Theory →

Demand More From Your Declarations of Affection

‘Happy anniversary, baby. I love you to the moon and back.’ an acquaintance posted on Facebook. ‘Thank you, baby. Love you too.’ Was the reply, alongside a litany of other equally tepid and tiresome responses from others unable to let five minutes go by without forcing themselves into someone else’s life. But, of the responses, … Continue reading Demand More From Your Declarations of Affection →